Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Why does Haldane need a diversity committee?

A: Haldane isn’t very racially diverse (Cold Spring village, according to the 2010 census, is 96% white), so we need to do even more to ensure that Haldane’s racial and ethnic minorities are heard and treated equitably. And there is rich diversity here in terms of sexual orientation, gender identity, religion, socioeconomic status, and political views. We want to make sure that everyone feels heard, respected, included, and treated equitably. Also, since the community is largely white, we want to help educate the community about race, stereotypes and prejudice. Racism often flourishes in non-racially-diverse communities because there is not enough race-related discussion and awareness, so we want to make sure these essential conversations are taking place. 

Q: What’s the difference between equity and equality?

A: Equity is giving everyone what they need to be successful. Equality is treating everyone the same. More information can be found here.

Q: My kids don’t notice skin color. They’ve never talked about it. So I don’t understand why I should talk to them about it. Bringing attention to race will only make them racist, right?

A: Research has shown that kids do notice skin color, typically before their first birthday. Even when children live in racially homogenous communities, they see different races when they visit cities, watch TV shows and movies, and read books. When parents don’t talk to kids about race, kids often try to figure out what it means for themselves. They’ll notice, for instance, that hair color doesn’t really seem to matter when it comes to where people live, what kind of jobs they end up having or how wealthy they become. But race? Kids quickly infer that race is very important, because it relates to all sorts of important things. Kids see that all but one U.S. President has been white, that many students at school with nice houses are white, and that the heroes and doctors portrayed in TV shows and movies tend to be white. They also tend to notice de facto segregation — that whites, Asians, Latinx, blacks and other people of color often live in separate neighborhoods, and that schools are often majority white or majority black.

So kids inevitably notice all these things about race, and then they make inferences if their parents and teachers don’t fill in the gaps. Often, those inferences are prejudiced. They start to believe that whites are more privileged because they’re naturally smarter, more powerful, or just, well, better. Studies have shown that when parents don’t push against these ideas and talk to their kids about what race does and does not mean, children typically become more racially prejudiced than children whose parents do explicitly talk about race. So we do need to have conversations with our kids about race and skin color, and ideally, we should have them regularly.

Q: I want to discuss race, sexual orientation, gender identity, and other issues with my kids, but I don’t even know where to begin. I’m worried I’ll say something wrong and make things even worse.

A: Talking about these delicate subjects can certainly feel awkward and complicated, especially if you didn’t grow up having these kinds of conversations. We have a list of recommended books on our website, both for children and adults, as well as links to other resources that may help. And it’s OK to admit to your kids that you don’t have all the answers. We will all make mistakes as we learn and talk about these issues! The most important thing is that we’re trying, stumbling at times (to be sure), but doing our best to not let the status quo perpetuate systemic inequities and prejudices in our community. Keep up the good work!

Q: I don’t even know what all of the letters in LGBTQ stand for. How can I learn more? How do I talk to my kids about sexual orientation and gender identity? 

A: This resource from welcomingschools.org has helpful information and answers, including ideas for how to talk to kids about gender identity and sexual orientation.

Q: My child said something racist. How should I respond?

A: First, stay calm. Your impulse may be to yell at or shush your child, but that kind of response can make a child feel ashamed — and make race feel like a taboo subject. (Also, even if you don’t know precisely what to say, don’t ignore the comment and pretend it didn’t happen; if you need to, take some deep breaths and then respond.)

Next, try to gather more information. “Rather than challenge them on the words, get a sense of what they understand it to mean from their perspective. How do they hear it? Where did they hear it from? How is it being used in the social context they’re in? Then you have a better angle to how you can speak to it,” explains Howard Stevenson, a University of Pennsylvania professor of education and Africana studies and the author of Promoting Racial Literacy in Schools: Differences That Make a Difference. In a way, you can see their prejudiced comments as a kind of opportunity — an opportunity to see where they are and what you need to address with them. For instance, if your child makes a loud comment in the grocery store about another person’s skin color, you can use that moment to explain a bit about the science of skin color — that everyone has a chemical in their skin called melanin, which protects against the negative effects of UV radiation. If you have a lot of melanin, your skin is dark, but if you have only a little, your skin is light. How much melanin you have depends on how much your parents have. It’s OK if you don’t respond in the most constructive way in the moment. It’s really hard to know what to say in these situations! You can always revisit the issue with your child again later, after you’ve had some time to think about what you’d like to say.